Crazy like a fox.

God knows we love Britney Spears, y’all. But she’s troubled. Oh, so troubled. “Celebrity train wreck” troubled. The divorce from K-Fed, rumors of a sex tape, botched rehab, crotch shots, hair weaves that don’t fool anyone, greasy couture chicken fingers and a falling out with her momma. But now, we’re seeing reports that the next stop for her on the comeback trail will be a performance at the MTV VMAs. How in the world can this possibly be a good idea? Besides, what will she sing? It’s not like she can go back to any of her hits. Not now…not anymore. She needs something new. A song that shows she’s moved beyond her troubles and is still relevant, but one that also shows that she has good sense of humor about her past. It also has to be something that pushes the boundaries of pop taste. But what to choose…what to choose?

We here at the ARChive have a suggestion:

A real oldie, but a goodie. Yes, we realize that this suggestion is a little off the wall, but ask yourself: with all the trouble surrounding her, how crazy would it really be if she sang about selling a baby? Imagine Brit-Brit singing THIS jam through a vocoder over a heavy dance beat LIVE, on stage, at the Video Music Awards:

You know what we hear? A return to her rightful place as #1 Pop Princess, that’s what.

dtn

(The sheet music is a recent donation from Kevin Lanagan, a regular contributor to the ARChive’s sheet music collection. The sound file can be found on UCSB’s Cylinder Preservation and Digitization page. If you like the recording and want to hear others like it, I encourage you to click on over. It’s off the hizzy, y’all!)